She will usually come to me later with a full apology and explanation of everything she did that angered me...knowing exactly how she made me feel.
What can I do to get my wife to respond to me during the diagreement, so that we never get to the point where I give up?Communication?
You give up......thats the plan.....
Honey, don't crucify her for this, it's not exactly a bad thing. I'm the same way. Exactly the same way...right up to the point where I'll come back later, explain and apologize. Trust me she does care...more than you think. She's not doing it to anger you, and she's not shutting you out. She's proccessing the entire argument and weighing both sides before she flies off the handle and says something she'll regret. Trust me on this one, you'd rather keep the peace. Years ago, I use to get right into the heat of the argument. I'd yell and scream right back at my husband to no avail...anything to get my point across. Then in communication therapy, I learned that is not the way to do it. I needed time to calm myself, time to put things into perspective and time to evaluate the situation and see if it's really worth getting all worked up over. Once I did that, I could go back, talk with my husband instead of argue and reach a compromise. We've been married 17 1/2 years and haven't had a real argument in the last 8...and I owe it all to this.
When she comes back to you to apologize, discuss the problem, if it's still bothering you...nothing gets solved in the heat of things.Communication?
There is such a thing as talking without really communicating and hearing without really listening. Communication is an art that has to be learned and not everyone is good at it. It takes practice. Why don't u start asking her for her point of view during your discussions. U can say something like "what do u think about what I just said" then maybe u can get a response out of her then. I don't know how u two discuss your differences but I know that some people can yell and scream all they want and get the same results u do.
In my marriage we try not to resolve the disagreement until both of us have sufficiently cooled off to do so. U can encourage your wife to start talking by asking her for her input and maybe she will learn to be a bit more vocal during your disagreements. In my experience it takes practice to communicate effectively.
The answer to this problem lies with the name of your question:
COMMUNICATION!!!
Why can't you just tell her exactly what you told us in your question?? Open up to her, and don't get angry or mean when you're explaining your frustrations to her. Communication is the key to success in all relationships.Communication?
I feel for u, my husband shuts down when we get into arguements.. im the type that usually will bottle up my feelings and not talk about them , then he'll ask whats wrong and then when i tell him he goes into "defense" mode which includes him shutting down.. he wont talk, and gets a look in his eyes like he could care less , ive screamed, cried, begged, ect for him to talk to me.. he said that its his way of dealing with whats going on and that he needs to think about it and is worried if we get into a heated arguement he may say something out of anger that he doesnt mean and that he cant take back.. i told him id rather him yell at me, then totally ignore me (and this can last for days) not just a hour or two.. i warned him that i would become emotionally detached to him if he kept treating me this way, and he has curbed it alot since.. because he doesnt want me to get to a point that i just snap inside and stop caring.. well the last time he did this, I was so angry that i just gave it right back at him , the silent treatment, actted as if i didnt care what he did or that he wasnt talking to me.. i didnt chase after him or beg him to talk i just watched tv did my own thing for the rest of the night, and the funny thing, it ate him up inside.. he didnt like getting a taste of his own medicine.. so maybe u should do to her what she does to u.. and maybe she'll think twice before she does it to u again.. basically take the power out of her hands..
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